I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
