in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
