Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
