walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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