420 ftw
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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