I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
