god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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