God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
