yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
