I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
