i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
