What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
