high people should be assigned attendants
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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