k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
