hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
