i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
