U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
