THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
