did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
