stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
