Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
