does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This baby is an asshole
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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