I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
