when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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