I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
