I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
