I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
