I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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