just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Randomize
