i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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