i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
