She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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