Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
