Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
