this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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