Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
