Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
