Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
