Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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