Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
