When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
