I want to have your abortion
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
