4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
