i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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