You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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