you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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