Hey man sorry I got all grabby
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
