yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
