Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
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