its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
