A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
