I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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