How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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