girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
