I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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