She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i will never coherently bang her
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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