They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
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